Inbox: Darwin Awards

I just received the latest email circulating about the fabled Darwin Awards. These awards are supposedly given to “those who died in the stupidest manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool.” No, this is not confirmed, and the email notes the source of this story as the Arkansas Democrat Gazette, the largest newspaper in the state. Here’s this year’s winner:

Two local men were injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County Deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. 

Thurston Poole, 33, of Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des Arc after a frog catching trip.  On an overcast Sunday night, Pooles pickup truck headlights malfunctioned.  The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model truck had burned out.  As a replacement fuse was not available, Wallis noticed that the 22 caliber bullets from his pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column.  Upon inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly,  and the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge .  

After traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole  in the testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and striking a tree.   Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the accident but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his testicles which will never operate again as intended.

Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis.

"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a first for me.  I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident happened," said Snyder.  

Upon being notified  of the wreck, Lavinia ( Poole 's wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from the truck.  Priorities, after all!

Though Poole and Wallis  did not die as a result of their misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole did, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene pool.