A Letdown of a Boost

. Monday, February 15

My eyebrows raised in disbelief when I saw the headline, “Men risk anticlimax with anatomy-boosting pants.” What goes around, comes around?

It seems a British department store called Debenhams said that men’s underwear called “18 pounds-a-pair” have flown off the shelves during Valentine’s Day weekend. It seems these underwear have a lift and hold feature in the front that works in the same way a cleavage-enhancing bra does for women.

The point to these underwear is to boost a man’s feelings of adequacy in that department, so to speak. But, the disclaimer is quick: "However we can't be held responsible for what happens once the pants come off."

I don’t know what happens when women pad some anatomical places and stuff others into shrink wrap, and I don’t know what happens once those enhancements and reducers come off behind closed doors. I’m not one to do that sort of thing. But, women know that men are visual creatures, and perhaps get away with certain perceived flaws by shutting the light off. That will work, and no harm done.

But, guys, let’s be real here. No amount of darkness can hide the lack of what these underwear enhance. OK? Just sayin’.